WWE RAW Results – 7/23/12
Tonight’s show starts off with a look at some of the moments from the first 999 episodes of Raw.
We are live from St. Louis, Missouri and your announcers are Michael ‘Only 1000 more episodes until Raw 2000’ Cole and Jerry ‘The Millennium King’ Lawler.
Vince McMahon makes his way to the ring. Vince thanks everyone and welcomes everyone to Monday Night Raw. He brings out Degeneration X.
Shawn Michaels and Triple H make their way to the ring. Shawn stops Hunter before doing the crotch chop and he gets a few mics. Shawn gasps for breath and then he says that he is feeling ‘this’. He says that it feels like he is missing something. Shawn has his pants on and his underwear, but he feels like something is missing.
Hunter says something is missing. Hunter says that Shawn has all of the gratuitous merchandise on. Hunter thought there were more of them.
Shawn thinks about it and Hunter asks if there were more of them. They point to the entrance and Sean Waltman, Bill Gunn, and Road Dogg enter in a jeep.
We get a super crotch chop with accompanying pyro.
Road Dogg tells St. Louis that they are going to take them on a Missouri boat ride straight down memory lane. Road Dogg does his New Age Outlaws introduction.
Hunter wants to know if we are ready or if we are rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrready. He says that he will see us at Raw 2000. Hunter wants to know if we are ready to . . .
Billy says that it is his part but Shawn says that it is his part because he started this. Hunter tells Billy not to let Shawn lose his smile again because he does weird things like posing for Playgirl. Shawn says that he was young and he needed the money.
Hunter tells them to do it together.
They are interrupted by Damien Sandow. He wants to beg our indulgences and he introduces himself as the intellectual savior of the unwashed masses.
Shawn says that he would like to hear Damien out.
Damien says that this is what Raw, the WWE, and society at large has disintegrated into. Common degenerates whose sophomoric behavior has plagued humanity and brainwashed the masses to appreciate this crass conduct.
Shawn says that it is true about him. Shawn says that he is going home and to church to ask for forgiveness.
Damien says that he knows that they can eviscerate him like common trash. If they do so, Damien says that he will not be a victim, he will be a martyr for anyone who appreciates a sophisticated mind.
Hunter says that he has made some good points, but they will discuss things.
They discuss things and break their huddle.
Hunter tells Damien that they have decided. Shawn with Sweet Chin Music and Hunter with a Pedigree. Billy tells Damien that they have two words for him . . . SUCK IT.
They take off Sandow’s robe and throw him to the floor.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Jim Ross makes his way towards the ring to join Michael and Jerry at the announce table.
We see footage of Rey’s return to Raw last week after Alberto Del Rio’s match with Zack Ryder.
We also see footage from last week when Dolph Ziggler questioned Jericho’s ‘touch’ only to be given a Codebreaker.
Match Number One: Rey Mysterio, Sin Cara, and Sheamus versus Alberto Del Rio, Dolph Ziggler, and Chris Jericho with Ricardo Rodriguez and Vickie Guerrero
The match is joined in progress and Ziggler is tagged in and he kicks Cara followed by a snap mare and leaping elbow drop. Ziggler tags in Jericho and Chris with a snap mare and reverse chin lock on Cara. Cara with punches and a rollup for a near fall. Jericho with a drop kick and then he points at Sheamus.
Jericho with a slam and he does the classic Jericho pose cover. Del Rio tags in and he kicks Cara in the ribs. Del Rio with an Irish whip and running kick into the corner for a near fall. Del Rio with knees to the lower back and then he applies a rear chin lock with his knee in Cara’s back.
Cara with punches but Del Rio sends Cara into the corner. Cara gets his boots up and hits a tornado DDT and both men are down. Jericho and Sheamus tag in and he hits a series of running double sledges followed by a running shoulder into the corner followed by a knee lift. Sheamus escapes a slam but Sheamus with two uranage back breakers. Del Rio breaks up the cover but Rey sends Del Rio to the floor and hits a seated splash. Sin Cara with an enzuigiri that knocks Ziggler off the apron. Jericho tries for the Walls of Jericho but Sheamus escapes.
Sheamus blocks a Codebreaker but he misses a Brogue kick. Ziggler punches Jericho when he sets for a springboard drop kick. Sheamus knocks Ziggler off the apron and Sheamus hits the Brogue Kick for the three count.
Winners: Sheamus, Sin Cara, and Rey Mysterio
We go to commercial.
We are back and the booth is two men again.
Jerry and Michael talk about Tout and we see some thoughts on the wedding from some of the WWE Universe.
Michael says that we have a special guest from Los Angeles. Charlie Sheen is on Skype. Charlie congratulates them on their 1000th episode. He says that he would fit in well with Degeneration X. Charlie says that he would have made a good home in WWE.
Michael talks about the wedding between Daniel Bryan and AJ Lee. We see a video package showing us the most electrifying couple in the history of sports entertainment.
AJ is in her dressing room and she talks about how special it will be. She asks Layla what she thinks. Layla asks AJ if she wants to go through with this. AJ wonders why people are calling her mentally unstable. She tells everyone to look outside and Jim Duggan is out there. Then Roddy Piper and R Truth are playing jump rope with Little Jimmy.
Mae Young is in the hall with her hand and he is all grown up.
Layla wishes AJ luck tonight and leaves.
We go to commercial.
We are back and we have a delivery from a Sonic waitress.
Match Number Two: Jack Swagger versus Brodus Clay with the Funkettes
Before the match, Brodus Clay brings out Dude Love.
Swagger misses a splash into the corner when Brodus talks to Dude Love. Brodus with a sheeeplex and a splash for the three count.
Winner: Brodus Clay
After the match, Dude Love introduces Mr. Socko to Jack.
Triple H is in the back with Trish Stratus and she talks about doing yoga. Trish has Hunter bent over doing some yoga and the members of DX enter and they say that they will be in the backdoor or the rear to wait for him.
X-Pac asks Trish what is up and Trish is not comfortable around him.
Daniel Bryan is in his tuxedo and he is with some people dressed in white.
We have a poll and a commercial.
We are back and it is time for a wrestling wedding so what can go wrong?
Jerry Lawler is in the ring and he brings out the reverend for the ceremony and it is Slick.
Daniel Bryan makes his way to the ring and he Yeses down the aisle in his very dapper white tuxedo.
AJ comes down the aisle/ramp to the traditional wedding march in a very traditional wedding dress.
Slick starts the ceremony and says that everyone in the crowd are witnesses to this ceremony. Slick says that marriage is a sacred institution. He says that marriage should not be entered into lightly. It is between two people who are in love.
Slick asks if there is anyone who objects to speak now or forever hold their peace.
Daniel tells AJ that he knows that they have had their ups and downs but he loves her. He says that he will always love her. He promises that once he slips the ring on her finger and they are announced man and wife, a new chapter is going to begin for both of them. Daniel says that he will finally have everything that he has ever wanted.
Slick asks Daniel if he will have AJ to be his lawfully wedded wife and he says Yes.
AJ says Yes before Slick can even ask her.
AJ stops Slick before he pronounces them man and wife.
AJ says that she wasn’t saying yes to Daniel. She was saying yes to someone else.
Daniel is in shock at this announcement.
She says that it is another man. Another man who made a proposal to her earlier tonight.
Vince McMahon makes his way onto the stage. Vince says that it was a business proposal. In the interest of making Raw 1001 and beyond more interesting, he brings out the new General Manager of Raw . . . AJ.
AJ gives Daniel her bouquet and skips around Daniel and leaves the ring.
Daniel cannot believe what just happened as AJ skips up the ramp and starts Yesing on the stage.
Daniel attacks the wedding accessories in the ring.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Daniel Bryan is still in the ring yelling ‘NO’ while referees try to get him out of the ring.
CM Punk comes out to talk to one side of the love triangle after Bryan was left at the altar.
Punk tells Daniel he didn’t come out here to rub it in Daniel’s face, but Daniel did just get stood up at the altar. Punk says that it couldn’t have happened to a better guy. Why wouldn’t AJ want to marry such a nice guy. Punk says that he would have thrown a fit like Bryan because AJ as the general manager probably does not bode well for Bryan’s future on Raw.
Punk tells Bryan to throw a tantrum while he continues to be the WWE Champion and best in the world.
Bryan says that Punk isn’t even the best in the ring tonight. Bryan tells Punk that not only is he better than Punk, he is the greatest WWE Superstar of All Time.
The Rock comes out and interrupts the battle of who is the Best in the World.
Rock tells Daniel Bryan that he doesn’t get to say who the Greatest of All Time is . . . they get to say who the Greatest of All Time is. Rock throws out a FINALLY and the crowd is in his hands.
Bryan stops the Rock and he says that he doesn’t know who Rock thinks he is.
Rock stops Bryan and he says that you don’t cut the Rock off like that.
Bryan and Rock stare each other down and says that you don’t cut the Rock off like that. It was right here where Rock won his first WWE Championship. Rock says that he isn’t here right now to talk to Frodo. The Rock is here to talk about the WWE Championship.
Rock says that at the Royal Rumble, whoever the WWE Champion is will go one-on-one with the Great One and they will defend the title against The Rock.
Punk says that is good news for Rock and him because he tells Rocky that ‘whoever is WWE Champ’ is in the ring with him. Punk says that he will beat John Cena and if Rock wants a shot at the Royal Rumble, he wishes that it was tomorrow because he likes the idea of Rock versus CM Punk. He says that he will beat the Rock at the Royal Rumble.
Rock tells Punk that it was right here that Rock won his first WWE Championsip, it would be fitting that he will look Punk in the eye that at the Royal Rumble, he will be the next WWE Champion.
Daniel Bryan jumps in and says a few NOS. This is supposed to be about him. This was supposed to be the greatest night of his life. Bryan tells Rock that he will fight him. Not only will he be the champion, he will be the face of the WWE.
Rock asks if he is looking at the face of the WWE. He says that we are looking at what would happen if a homeless lumberjack banged an oompa loompa. He then starts an Oompa Loompa song and says that Bryan looks like a troll from Lord of the Rings.
Rock wishes Punk luck against Cena and then he says that he brought a wedding gift for Bryan. Rock gives Bryan a Rock Bottom and then he tells everyone to smell what he is cooking before leaving the ring.
We go to commercial.
We are back with our guest ring announcer, Bret Hart.
Bret says that one of his greatest moments was when he won the Intercontinental Title for the first time against Mr. Perfect.
Match Number Three: Christian versus The Miz for the Intercontinental Title
Christian with a waist lock but Miz with a standing switch and side head lock. Christian with a shoulder tackle and then he goes to the turnbuckles for a missile drop kick. Christian runs into a boot. Christian sends Miz over the top rope to the floor. Christian goes up top and hits a cross body and we go to commercial with Christian holding his knee.
We are back and Miz works on the injured ankle. We see footage from the commercial when Miz sent Christian into the ring steps. Christian with an inverted DDT and then he connects with an uppercut from the floor, but he does not slingshot to the floor like he normally does.
Christian with a cross body for a near fall and then he goes up to the turnbuckles for a corkscrew back elbow. Miz misses a punch and Christian with a back heel kick and sunset flip for a near fall. Christian with a sunset flip but Miz rolls through and kicks Christian to get a near fall. Miz with kicks to the leg and he wraps the leg in the ropes.
Christian with a punch and tornado DDT for a near fall. Christian sets for the spear but Miz stops him and hits a DDT for a near fall. Miz sets for the Awesome Clothesline but Christian moves. Christian tries for the Killswitch but Miz sends Christian into the turnbuckles. Miz with the Skull Crushing Finale for the three count after Christian’s knee buckles when he lands on his feet after escaping a suplex attempt.
Miz gets on the mic after his victory and tells everyone that he is the Intercontinental Champion and he is awesome.
Charlie Sheen is back and he says that he is a fan of the Rock and he is looking forward to seeing him at the Royal Rumble. Sheen calls Daniel Bryan a weasel and says that Daniel has some anger management issues. Charlie calls Daniel an oompa loompa.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Regis Philbin talks about how he was a fan his entire life. He mentions his appearance at Wrestlemania 7. He talks about the many wrestlers who have been on his show through the years.
It is time for Triple H to come to the ring in a more serious tone because he has to deal with Brock Lesnar and his challenge for SummerSlam.
We see the footage from three months ago when Lesnar attacked Triple H.
Hunter asks everyone if they are having a good time. Hunter says that he had his fun so it is time to pick up the intensity a bit. Hunter says that he knows that Brock Lesnar is here. He wants to fight Brock Lesnar at SummerSlam. Hunter says that he wants an answer and he wants it now.
Brock Lesnar’s music plays and Paul Heyman makes his way to the ring.
Hunter says that he came out to talk to the horse’s head, not the horse’s ass.
Paul says that he is impressed with Hunter’s negotiating stance since the last time. He says that his client Brock Lesnar is here. Paul asks Hunter if he wants to fight Brock and main event at SummerSlam. Paul tells Hunter that Brock’s answer is . . .
Hunter says that he is tired of that crap. If Lesnar doesn’t want to come out like a man, he will get Brock.
Paul reminds Hunter that he already has two lawsuits against him and WWE and now he wants to risk a third. He asks if that is good for business.
Hunter says that he doesn’t care. He wants to know if Brock is such a coward he doesn’t want to come out and say it to Hunter’s face. He asks if Brock is a bully or a coward. Is Brock afraid of him?
Paul wants to know if Hunter is going to resort to name calling to get Brock to fight him. He wants to know if that is the way Hunter tells his kids to behave.
Hunter tells Paul not to talk about his family.
Paul says that he shouldn’t have brought up Hunter’s children because of the sins of the parents fall upon the children.
Stephanie McMahon comes out to the ring and she is not in a gregarious mood tonight.
Stephanie tells Heyman that he does not talk about her children ever again. She tells Paul if he wants to make it personal, these lawsuits are not about Brock, but about Paul’s failures as a businessman in WCW, ECW, and WWE.
Stephanie says that as a visionary, Paul is looking in the rear view mirror.
Stephanie says that her dad had the guts to step in the ring with her husband, unlike Brock. Stephanie says that Paul’s children are ashamed of Paul because they know that their father is nothing more than a professional parasite. Stephanie slaps Paul in the face.
Paul goes to the apron and he re-enters the ring. If this is how bad Stephanie wants it. Does she want her husband get hurt? Paul says that the match is on.
Paul applauds Stephanie and he says that she did it again and she got what she wanted. It is what her father taught her. Stephanie attacks Paul and punches him.
Brock’s music plays again and he comes out and does the Brock Bounce.
Lesnar sends Hunter into the corner and he punches him. Hunter with a kick and punches of his own. They exchange punches and Hunter with a knee. Hunter with a kick and punch followed by a clothesline that sends Brock over the top rope to the floor.
We go to commercial.
We are back with more Tout comments. We even get comments from Kofi Kingston.
Michael mentions the poll for who they want to see in a dream match on WWE13 and the winner is Steve Austin versus John Cena.
We take a look back at the feud that put Raw on the map, Steve Austin versus Vince McMahon. We see Stunners, the concrete in the Corvette, the zamboni, the beer truck, and more stunners.
We go to commercial.
We are back with a look at some of the media coverage of Raw 1000.
Santino Marella and Hornswoggle come to the ring and they have the new Brawling Buddies action figures.
Howard Finkel is in the ring to do the announcing duties for the next match.
Heath takes the mic from Howard Finkel and he says that everything that happened to him on Raw is in the past. The only thing that you are going to remember is his match tonight. His victory is going to be epic. He challenges a legend in the back to a No Disqualification Match.
Lita comes out and Heath asks her if she thinks she can beat him. He accepts the challenge.
Match Number Four: Heath Slater versus Lita in a No Disqualification and No Count Out Match
Lita gets the mic and she tells him that for this match, she hired a little protection and it is the APA.
Slater goes up the ramp but Road Warrior Animal comes out and he is joined by everyone else who has kicked Heath’s ass. Vader and Sid send him back into the ring. Lita with a kick and Twist of Fate. Bradshaw with the Clothesline from Hell. Lita goes up top for a moonsault and the three count.
After the match, they all stand over Heath and Ron Simmons lets out a DAMN!!!
In case you missed it earlier, we see Vince McMahon’s announcement of the new General Manager during the wedding when we found out that AJ Lee will be in charge.
Then we see what Rock got for Daniel Bryan as a wedding present.
Sean Mooney is with Daniel Bryan and he asks Daniel about tonight. Daniel says that this entire night has been tainted. AJ humiliated him. Rock attacked him. Charlie Sheen called him an oompa loompa. Who is Charlie to do that. Bryan says that Charlie Sheen needs life management. If Charlie Sheen was standing where Sean is standing now, he would slap the Yes Lock on faster than Charlie could say ‘winning’.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Michael Cole is with the 100 millionth social media follower. Michael asks Alex Guerrero Jr. if he is excited to be here. Michael tells Alex that he can be honored that he was interviewed by Michael Cole.
It is time to look at some of the catchphrases over the 1000 episodes of Raw.
Zack Ryder is in the back with John Cena and Gene Okerlund. Zack says that Gene Okerlund was behind GTV. Gene says that he wasn’t even working for the company at the time.
Rock enters the area and Zack and Gene know that it is time to go.
John tells the Rock that it has been a long time.
Rock wishes John luck tonight and tells him to have a great match.
John reminds Rock about his announcement about getting the title match at Royal Rumble. Cena says that he will be cashing in so he can get one more shot at the Great One.
Rock says that he cannot tell Cena how much he is looking forward to that.
We go to commercial.
Jinder Mahal says that there will be no match because for 999 episodes, the six of them have been given no opportunities. They take their own. Jinder is with Drew McIntyre, Tyler Reks, Curt Hawkins, Hunico, and Camacho.
Undertaker’s music plays and the pyro appears on the stage along with the smoke and the Undertaker makes his way to the ring.
The Forgotten Six are forgotten for a moment but we see them at ringside.
Taker and Kane punch Reks, Hawkins, Mahal, Hunico, Camacho, and McIntyre. Kane grabs Hawkins and Taker grabs Hunico and we get stereo choke slams.
Taker and Kane signal that it is time for some tombstone piledrivers.
We go to footage from a Be A Star rally in St. Louis.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Charlie Sheen is back with Michael and Jerry. Michael brings up what Daniel Bryan said about Charlie. Charlie says that he is going to shake Bryan so hard that his beard will fall off. Charlie tells goat face that he is not hard to find. Jerry asks Charlie if he is challenging Daniel to a match and Charlie tells Daniel that he can translate it however he wants.
We go to footage from last week’s Raw when John Cena made the announcement that he would cash in tonight.
Match Number Five: John Cena versus CM Punk for the WWE Title
Punk offers his hand and Cena accepts so this will be a match of honor.
They lock up and Cena with a side head lock. Cena with a shoulder tackle. They lock up again and Cena with a side head lock. Cena with another shoulder tackle. Cena blocks a hip toss but Punk gets a near fall with a backslide. They lock up again and Punk works on the arm and applies a hammer lock.
Punk with an abdominal stretch and he works on the ribs with an elbow. Cena with a hip toss to escape and he tries for the STF but Punk kicks Cena away. They lock up again and Cena backs Punk into the turnbuckles and Cena with a clean break. Punk with chops and knees to Cena. Cena with a kick and forearms followed by punches. Cena sends Punk into the turnbuckles followed by a side head lock take down.
Punk with a belly-to-back suplex and Punk with a kick to the back. Punk with a back breaker for a near fall. Punk with a reverse chin lock but Cena gets back to his feet. Cena with a kick to the midsection and then we see punches exchanged by both men.
Punk and Cena add some kicks to the punches. Cena with the advantage and Cena with the two flying shoulder tackles but Punk escapes the Blue Thunder Bomb. Punk with a leg lariat followed by a clothesline but Punk misses the swinging neck breaker. Punk with a running knee into the corner and Cena counters the bulldog with the Blue Thunder Bomb. Cena tells Punk that he can’t see him but Punk with a kick to the face and then to the back of the head.
Punk tells everyone that someone is going to go to sleep. Punk gets Cena on his shoulders but Cena pushes Punk into the referee and the referee is down. Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment and would have gotten the three count.
Big Show comes to the ring and while Cena checks on the referee, Show hits Cena with a spear when he returns to the ring. Show waits for Cena to get up for the knockout punch. Cena gets up and Show connects. Show leaves the ring.
Punk doesn’t really know what to do and he goes to check on the referee. Punk rolls the referee back in and since it has been so long, Cena kicks out at two. Punk picks up Cena and gets him on his shoulders for the Go To Sleep but Cena counters and puts Punk in the STF. Big Show comes back to he ring and he attacks Cena. The referee calls for the bell.
Winner: John Cena by disqualification
After the match, Big Show attacks John Cena and Punk thinks about what to do over the situation. Show slams Cena and then Rock’s music plays. Rock runs to the ring and he goes past CM Punk. Rock punches Show and then he hits a spinebuster. Rock sets for the People’s Elbow but Punk with a clothesline to Rock.
Punk waits for Rock to get up and he mocks Rock and then hits the Go To Sleep.
We go to credits.